Gems from the News Archives (Pt. 1)

After a brief stint of homelessness in Uganda, I am settled into a new apartment and slowly getting back into the swing of things. Unfortunately, the “swing of things” is pretty uneventful. For my research on the media and the Ugandan People’s Defense Forces (UPDF), I have been sifting through 1,200 news articles from the New Vision  and Daily Monitor and performing a close content analysis on 600 of them. Next week, I will go to Makerere and pour over the archives of the Red Pepper, one of Uganda’s trashiest tabloids, which will undoubtedly provide more interesting stories. But after a long day of tedious reading, at least I found one nice little nugget, published by the New Vision on December 22, 2001:

UPDF Officer Drinks Urine

A UPDF officer only known as Afande Kaganda, living in Nakulabye Kirundu zone was saved by an old woman’s urine. He drank a lot of waragi [Ugandan liquor, which is 40% alcohol] and ended up collapsing.

Kaganda is said to have drunk two litres of crude waragi that nearly killed him.

When they realised that the man might die, they had to think of a very quick way to save his life. Fellow revellers asked one elderly lady to provide urine which would act as an antidote against the crude waragi. She gave them the urine and they forced it into kaganda’s mouth and gagged him until he swallowed it.

Kaganda slept from 11.00am up to midnight. He was really in his own world and even when they undressed and poured cold water on him to revive him, he was still lost to the world.

After they had forced a full mug of urine down his throat, they left him to sleep.

When he came to, he was told that he had drunk urine he threatened to kill the people who had administered it.

Nobody volunteered the information and Kaganda headed for Wandegeya to have one more drink and eat some pork.

All his friends thanked him very much because he had offered them a lot of alcohol and paid for all of it.

The morals of this story seem pretty self-explanatory, but I think they’re still worth emphasizing. If you see someone who drank two liters of waragi, give them urine as an antidote but don’t tell them whose it is. Then they’ll just shrug it off, buy you pork and alcohol, and probably keep their job in the military. No big deal.

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